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Broke down again last night. I thought to myself last night " hey tmrw's gonn be great. " but no. Today was shit. Rumors of Kris leaving exo has gone around, i don't even know if its true. I really don't want anything to happen to exo please ... Please ... exo has only ever been the only group i fangirl-ed over that could cheer me up when i'm down. Calm me down when i'm pissed off. They keep me happy and have goals. exo saranghaja. the member's instagram updates have been all weird and against kris but rumors say that SM staff has access to their instagram acc and are the ones who posted it. I pray, i sincerely pray that exo will stay together as 12 and be happy. Please let all of this be a misunderstanding .... Please don't let Kris go, 6+6=12 but 12-1=0. Please .. 

 

happy lunar new year

hi everyone !! HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR :-) 祝大家新年快乐，万事如意，龙马精神 ！ 希望大家都会健健康康，开开心心 !! Heheh. So yup all the best to everyone, in studies, in love, in life. In whatever you do, jiayous and always do your best !! And please don't complain about the amount you receive in you angpao because there are others who don't even have a family to celebrate with. And the angpao is for goodluck, its not all just about the money alright :) 

so yesterday, ofcourse, i went out. 'Celebrated' with this bunch of cool people. So let's just let the pictures do the talking :b

so to start of, my school's dance club performed, as part of my school's celebration :-) it was super fun dancing !! it was the first time dance club was doing like a hip hop and chinese dance mashup, super cool. 

then, after school, headed to NEX to eat PASTA MANIA yay !! Hahah. Had alot of fun eating with them LOL. Like this bunch of people are just fun to be around :-)

Yup, then went to take neoprints and camwhored alot. mostly after the meal we just went to slack . But it was fun.

tbh, i felt really happy that like some juniors and seniors asked me to take photos with them, cause like i just joined ~~~ so like AWKWARD. 

HAHAHA MOOOOOVING ON. 

then had to go back early to prepare to meet aunt for dinz . Ate at dad's place - Sushi Jiro . It's at siglap centre, around marine parade there i think (?) hahahah, SUPER FULL SIA. 

overall today was just like SUPERBBBB. 

heheheh 

okay peace out bye

De - pres - sion

Recently, i've been doing lots and lots of thinking. And it wasn't a good thing, cause i really hate thinking, its so tiring. LOL. 

" i don't want to be myself anymore "

I really don't. In fact, i kindof hate myself. I have really bad attitude. I talk to myself, i'm really dumb. Im fat. I don't have self discipline. There's definitely more flaws to mention but i don't wanna take up like 1hr of your time to just read my flaws lol. I don't know how people can look at me and still be my friend, hahah. Or maybe their just pretending, but whatever. Bc one day i'm still gonna die right.

" And if you wake up at 4am either your loved, or lonely " 

I really don't know which is worst. But i think i'm just lonely. I mean either then my family who else would love me, right ? If i died right now, probably nobody would even notice or give a damn. 

" People ask me why is it so hard to trust people, i ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise ? "

I read this, and i realised how true this was. I've nothing to say, and all i felt was guilt. I've no right to tell that to others because i myself let secrets slip sometimes. Is it just my nature ? Sigh.

And then, i saw this picture ;

I can totally relate to this, i'm sure like many could relate to this. But for me, not only that, i shut all the others out too, like just for that moment i'm upset. But no one notices because they can't see. All they see are merely text messages with or without emojis. Sometimes i say things like i don't wanna talk , but they don't know the reason why. But i also don't wish to tell them. Im crazy ok thanks . Hahah.

" it gets better "

When?

" i'm here for you "

Bullshit

" you'll be okay "

No i won't

" its okay "

No its not

I'm sick and tired of hearing the same old things, seeing people tell that to others. Because their just lies. " its okay " ? Do you even know what i'm going through or how i feel ? no. " it gets better " how do you know ? Your not a fortune teller .. 

Some of you or maybe all of you, well whoever's reading this. You might think ' you post this for what? lol. Boliao ah ' or ' you think you know everything ah. ' or whatever. But its MY blog, and i'll post what i want. I'm not saying i understand or know everything, as i've mentioned before - i'm dumb. Its up to you how you wanna think, and if you don't like me or my blog or this post you can just close the page :-) thanks .

Okay, so continuing. Don't ask ' what happened ' or whatever. Because nothing really happened its just my overview of my life. Okay maybe not ? Idk. Hmmm. 

i like to ignore, push people away and just lock them out. But i've always hoped, that just like on tumblr, in movies, in story books or fantasies... That someone will just hug me tight and comfort me. HAHAHAHA. Im sorry, hoping for something will never come true. Its nice to still have hope though :') hahah. 

I see so many tweets and posts saying ' no one really cares until something dramatic happens ' and its true, isn't it? We don't know what some people are going through and it takes time and effort to slowly get to know them, to become friends with them and share the burden :) but if we don't even try or make an effort, who knows whats gonna happen. 

and if someone ever shares with you their problem, seriously, don't judge them. Instead, listen to them and try to understand, give them a hug and let them know that you'll go through it with them :-)